Aya without an H

Yes, I took the title from Netflix original series Anne with An E - honestly, if you have an (overly) active mind like mine this show is, definitely, for you - anyhow, it is a nice hook to get your attention to what I am going to write next. But, before I start, I want to let you know that I have had a difficult time deciding which category shall I put this blog entry under. After a bit of thinking, I decided since this entry is about me, there is no need to "label" and put it under any category. It belongs to every category, after all, this is my blog and it does say a lot about who I am and therefore, it only makes sense not to label an entry that talks about me.

So, what is the connection between me and Anne? well, the character is quite peculiar, in her own good way. She uses words as her weapons of choice to defend herself against a shallow and back minded world - given the fact that the events of the show were taking place sometime in the 1800s- she fought her circumstances to rise against all odds. She set new standards for beauty and made the "imagination" as a new way to learn and explore life around her. I relate a lot to Anne. In so many ways, yet I remain to be different.

I believe we (me and Anne) are set to achieve the same needs: we want to be heard and to be seen as we are, not as society wants us to be. I think that's the end game for most of us out there, but it is an insisting matter for me ever since I started to grasp the reality of the world around me. It is, probably, why I created this blog and the reason behind my tireless insistence on making it seen, read, and understood.

I stayed years and years under covers, not going to dramatize my life and tell you I was oppressed, denied my right to speak, or any of that. On the contrary, I grew up while I was the most spoiled kid between my siblings and my parents gave me, endless, love, and care, still do - I can't possibly ask for more. But, the problem was not in my family or even my confused society, the problem was in me. I was the one oppressing my true identity and forcing it to be sheltered, while

a false one surfaced making me into a person I do not want to be. I have lived most of my teenage life, and part of my adult life, under the notion that I am the best version that I could I be of myself. While in fact, I was just pretentious and far away from who I truly am.

It is only after 27 years of living on this earth that I was able to show who I am, and who I truly was. A passionate writer, a capable dreamer, a determined achiever, and a helpless romantic for those who deserve it best. I was no longer a shallow hologram of what the society dictates and I was no longer a reflection of people's thoughts and ideas about who I should be. I am finally a reflection of my own self, experiences, and trails tailored to be one imperfectly perfect human being. Not afraid of ending up alone - I did leave a whole bunch of beings, behind, along the way - but afraid of being surrounded by people who perceive me as they please. and I allowed them to. I have lied, caused hurt upon myself and others (unintentionally), I am a stiched wrongs made into a human, but at the end of the road, I have learned. I have grown, I have gotten up after multiple blow ups on my back, I have carried burdens mountains could not handle and I am proud of my misfalls - they made into the stronger being that I am today. Some will not understand, they will leave and they will give up - some already did - but, that does not matter anymore. I am the complicated being I am and that's that. Accept and move on - that's what I have learned. You can't change who you are. regardless of how many times you attempt to do so. You can only change how you want to be seen, how you decide to be.

No one holds your truth, you alone hold the keys to your own chambers.

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